


Justice League Group Chat

by SuperStarro



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Green Lantern - All Media Types, Justice League - All Media Types, Superman - All Media Types, The Flash - All Media Types, Wonder Woman - All Media Types
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Comedy, Ensemble Cast, Fluff and Humor, Fun, Gen, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2020-01-14 21:14:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18484483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperStarro/pseuds/SuperStarro
Summary: Batman creates an emergency communications channel for the Justice League. It almost immediately turns into a private chat room, much to the Dark Knight's disapproval.





	1. Hal and Barry ruin everything

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Overwatch Emergency Communication Channel (I Swear, It's Emergency Only)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7324573) by [ArcaneAdagio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArcaneAdagio/pseuds/ArcaneAdagio). 



> With Hal and Barry together on the League, just how long did you expect this to last?

**[MARTIAN MANHUNTER] created [JUSTICE LEAGUE EMERGENCY COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

**[MARTIAN MANHUNTER] added [SUPERMAN] [BATMAN] [WONDER WOMAN] [FLASH] [AQUAMAN] and [GREEN LANTERN] to [JUSTICE LEAGUE EMERGENCY COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Attention Justice Leaguers. The emergency communication channel is now online.

BATMAN: This is a private, close-circuited communications channel intended for immediate and important emergency situations only. If you cannot communicate over normal voice comm, use your communicator to access this channel.

GREEN LANTERN: Nice, so this is like our own little private chat room is it?

BATMAN: No. This is strictly for emergencies only. What part of that did you not understand?

FLASH: Give him a break Bruce, Hal’s reading comprehension isn’t the best

FLASH: Though to be fair, is not like ANY of your other comprehension skills are any better either

GREEN LANTERN: Don’t you sass me Barry, I know where you live

FLASH: You say that as if you could get the drop on me Hal, I’d be halfway across the continent before you even knew I was gone

BATMAN: Enough, both of you! If you don’t intend on using this channel for its intended purposes, then get out.

FLASH: Oh come on Bats, lighten up a little, we’re just having some friendly banter

BATMAN: Well could you do it elsewhere, this is for emergencies only

GREEN LANTERN: Well, I mean, there’s no emergencies happening at the moment, are there?

BATMAN: That’s the point. There are no emergencies, so we shouldn’t even be using this channel!

FLASH: Gentlemen, I think I’ve found a way we can reach a compromise

**[FLASH] renamed [JUSTICE LEAGUE EMERGENCY COMMUNICATION CHANNEL] to [CASUAL CHATS WITH THE GUYS (EXCEPT WHEN THERE’S AN EMERGENCY)]**

FLASH: There, I fixed it

BATMAN: Barry…

FLASH: What?

**[BATMAN] renamed [CASUAL CHATS WITH THE GUYS( (EXCEPT WHEN THERE’S AN EMERGENCY)] to [JUSTICE LEAGUE EMERGENCY COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

GREEN LANTERN: Booooooo

BATMAN: I thought I could trust you to be responsible with this

AQUAMAN: A terrible mistake honestly old chum

GREEN LANTERN: What’s that supposed to mean fishboy?

AQUAMAN: Hal, please, we’ve been over this.

AQUAMAN: Its FishMAN, thank you

BATMAN: Don’t encourage these two Arthur

AQUAMAN: Well actually Batman, the way I see it, there really is no reason as to why we have to limit use of the channel when there isn’t an ongoing emergency

GREEN LANTERN: See? Fishman’s on our side!

FLASH: Arthur has a good point, we hardly ever get time to hang out together since we started work on the Watchtower

BATMAN: The only reason we are even in the Watchtower now is because of our previous headquarters’ compromised security. At the moment, security SHOULD be our top priority, yet here you are fooling around in what’s supposed to be our emergency communications relay

WONDER WOMAN: Aristotle once said that the end of labour is to gain leisure, and we have all worked so very hard to help build this Watchtower. I don’t see why we can’t have a means of helping us wind down from all the hard work we’ve done

SUPERMAN: I know I’d certainly appreciate having a means of talking with you all when I’m away. It’s not so fun being able to hear a conversation halfway across the world and not being able to join in.

AQUAMAN: Ho Superman! You’ve returned!

SUPERMAN: Yeah, just got back from helping evacuate a village about to be swept away by a mudslide

FLASH: I thought you were going to help deal with that reactor meltdown in eastern Europe?

SUPERMAN: I was, but I got side-tracked on the way back, you know how things are

SUPERMAN: But I’ve had time to read what everyone’s been posting, and I think using the channel casually is a great idea

BATMAN: J’onn, please tell me you aren’t supporting any of this

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: I’m not so sure Batman. The League was formed to help tackle issues no one hero can face alone. Yet how can the efforts of a team be expected to thwart such threats if we cannot operate cohesively? It has been a stressful few months for us all, having a medium for us to open up and enjoy each other’s company can only help us operate better in future. Abidance to minor semantics isn’t worth the rejection of a sound idea.

WONDER WOMAN: Hear hear

AQUAMAN: Quite sound indeed

SUPERMAN: Well put indeed J’onn

BATMAN: FINE

BATMAN: You can use this channel for whatever you want, I don’t care anymore

SUPERMAN: Oh, come now Bruce, don’t be like that, we’re supposed to be a team remember?

BATMAN: Well can I at least expect some degree of responsibility when we need this channel in an ACTUAL emergency situation? Please?

SUPERMAN: That’s perfectly fair. I think we can all handle that, can’t we?

FLASH: Hal?

GREEN LANTERN: I make no promises


	2. Fishy Business

GREEN LANTERN: Fuck I’m hungry

SUPERMAN: Hi Hungry

SUPERMAN: I’m Superman

WONDER WOMAN: Kal…

GREEN LANTERN: No no, I set myself up for that one, I deserve it

GREEN LANTERN: But seriously though, is there anything here for me to eat?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: The pantry and fridge in the dining area is stocked with food. It’s located one floor directly below your quarters Hal

GREEN LANTERN: Thank you

BATMAN: Still using this channel for its intended purpose I see

FLASH: I thought we all reached an agreement?

BATMAN: We did, doesn’t mean I’m particularly happy about it though

GREEN LANTERN: Hey now, I would actually classify this situation as a legitimate emergency

BATMAN: How?

GREEN LANTERN: You don’t take off a plane with half a tank of fuel, do you? What if we got called into a mission and I hadn’t eaten? I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on an empty stomach. Bit of a setback for a guy whose power relies on concentration

WONDER WOMAN: Hal, did you just compare yourself to an unfuelled aircraft?

FLASH: He is as dense as one

SUPERMAN: I’d be more worried about the fact he considers eating more important that stopping a supervillain

GREEN LANTERN: Ha ha very funny guys

GREEN LANTERN: Whatever, I’m here now and I’m hooking in

FLASH: If you see a metal container labelled “Barry,” stay away from it. Iris cooked me a meatloaf and I’m saving it for diner.

GREEN LANTERN: Iris’ meatloaf huh? I’ve heard good things about her cooking

FLASH: Hal I swear

GREEN LANTERN: I’m kidding, I’m kidding, jeez

GREEN LANTERN: Actually though, can someone tell me what the deal is with all these cans of tuna? There’s like twenty of them down here

AQUAMAN: Those are mine. Your more than welcome to a few if you’d like

GREEN LANTERN: I thought you didn’t eat fish

AQUAMAN: Why would I not eat fish?

GREEN LANTERN: Isn’t it weird to eat something you talk to?

AQUAMAN: For the last time, I don’t talk to fish, I control them with my mind, it’s not the same as having a conversation between you and me

GREEN LANTERN: So you do eat them?

AQUAMAN: Well what do you think we eat in Atlantis? It’s not exactly like we can farm at the bottom of the ocean

GREEN LANTERN: Seaweed? I dunno, I figured you were a bunch of ocean vegans or something

AQUAMAN: Oh for Poseidon’s sake…

AQUAMAN: That’s it, I take it back. Stay away from my tuna, you’re officially a state-listed enemy of Atlantis.

FLASH: Does that mean you could Hal executed if you wanted? You are the head of a sovereign state.

GREEN LANTERN: He could, but he won’t. I’m his friend after all

AQUAMAN: Unfortunately

SUPERMAN: Hold on, let’s back up here for a minute. Did you say there was something like TWENTY cans of tuna down there?

GREEN LANTERN: Yeah, take a look at this

GREEN LANTERN: _[attached img: 20_cans]_

FLASH: I…

SUPERMAN: Care to explain Arthur?

AQUAMAN: I like having tuna on toast

AQUAMAN: Do I really need to justify that?

FLASH: But did you really need THAT many cans? They take up like a whole shelf

AQUAMAN: I like to think in advance

AQUAMAN: Look at it this, way, I won’t have to go to the store for another three weeks!

WONDER WOMAN: Tuna IS good for you

BATMAN: Gives you a good intake of iron and potassium…

GREEN LANTERN: Look, I’m wasn’t in the mood for fish anyway, I’ll just find something else to eat

SUPERMAN: Twenty cans…

AQUAMAN: If it’s that much of an issue I can find another place to put them

FLASH: What, like a mini-fridge or something?

AQUAMAN: That works

WONDER WOMAN: Perhaps we could take out some money from the League budget to cover it

BATMAN: We aren’t using League funds to get Arthur a mini-fridge

WOMAN WONDER: Oh come now Bruce, it’s not like it’ll be that much

AQUAMAN: It’s alright, don’t worry I’ll pay for it everyone, I’ve got enough funds in my sunken treasure vault to cover mini-fridges for everyone

FLASH: Everyone?

AQUAMAN: You’ve got a paying job Barry, you can go buy your own fridge

GREEN LANTERN: The Guardians don’t pay me for my work, do I get to have a fridge?

FLASH: Hal, you could just make a fridge if you wanted to.

FLASH: Hey, that’s it, we get Hal to will a fridge into existence for Arthur to store all his tuna in!

GREEN LANTERN: Do I have to?

AQUAMAN: Enemy of Atlantis remember?

GREEN LANTERN: Oh yeah

GREEN LANTERN: Hmm, never thought getting blacklisted by a monarch could help me get out of menial chores

WONDER WOMAN: Did you get something to eat Hal?

GREEN LANTERN: Oh yeah, nothing grand, I just ended up eating a few of those chocolate biscuits in the pantry

SUPERMAN: Oh no

AQUAMAN: You didn’t did you!?

FLASH: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE YOU FOOL?

GREEN LANTERN: wtf guys? What’s wrong?

WONDER WOMAN: Hal, those were J’onn’s chocos you ate. J’onn’s personal stash

GREEN LANTERN: Oh, sorry J’onn, I’ll buy you a packet when I get around to it

WONDER WOMAN: You don’t understand Hal, Martians and chocolate are a very, delicate mixture, it is best not to interfere

GREEN LANTERN: I don’t understand, I mean I can jusdfregydtbhnmjesnhnmak

**[GREEN LANTERN] has left [JUSTICE LEAGUE EMERGENCY COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

WONDER WOMAN: Hal?

SUPERMAN: I’m hearing screaming from Hal’s room

AQUAMAN: By the gods…

FLASH: Did… did J’onn just murder Green Lantern?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: No

SUPERMAN: J’onn what did you do to him?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: I just gave Hal an incentive to not touch my chocos again, that’s all

**[GREEN LANTERN] has joined [JUSTICE LEAGUE DIRECT COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

GREEN LANTERN: JESUS FUCK

WONDER WOMAN: Hal are you okay!?

GREEN LANTERN: NO

GREEN LANTERN: Fucker phased through the wall and morphed into this horrible thing in front of my eyes. Stared directly into my mind and told me not to touch his chocos again or else

WONDER WOMAN: Or else what?

GREEN LANTERN: I DON’T KNOW THAT’S WHAT’S FREAKING ME OUT

SUPERMAN: J’onn was that really necessary?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: I made sure it wasn’t an overtly traumatic experience, Superman. I just needed to ensure he wouldn’t touch my chocos again

WONDER WOMAN: You still psychically tormented him!

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: I like my chocos Diana.

SUPERMAN: Well for future reference, label them so we don’t get a repeat of this incident will you?

FLASH: THIS IS WHY LABELS ARE IMPORTANT PEOPLE, I LABELLED MY MEATLOAF AND NOTHING BAD CAME FROM IT

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: If that is what is necessary to prevent this from happening again, I shall remember to clearly tag food reserved specifically for my enjoyment in the future

SUPERMAN: Thank you J’onn

WONDER WOMAN: Hal are you going to be alright?

GREEN LANTERN: Yeah, I’ll be fine Diana, don’t worry

GREEN LANTERN: I just don’t think I’ll be able to look at any chocolates for the rest of the week, or month…

GREEN LANTERN: …or year

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: I’m glad you’re taking my message to heart Hal

GREEN LANTERN: Man, fuck you, I’m getting you back for this

BATMAN: Can we please not devolve into fighting over chocolate?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: I’m certain Hal is mature enough and possesses a strong enough will to leave this incident behind him Batman

GREEN LANTERN: Alright, my ring tells me that Martians are weak to fire.

GREEN LANTERN: When you’re least expecting it, I’m gonna sauté your ass J’onn.

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Or perhaps not…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which boundaries are crossed, lessons are learned, and Hal becomes cultured on the gastronomy of Atlanteans and Martians.  
> As always thanks for reading and feel free to comment on what you thought about it.


	3. Flash Photography

FLASH: /Whisper [GREEN LANTERN]

FLASH: >>Hey, Hal, check out what I just found<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>What is it?<<

FLASH: >>So I was going through the Central City archives and I found this article on when Batman and Superman where in town a few years ago<<

FLASH: >>Look at Batman closely<<

FLASH: >> _[attached img: Batman_Superman_Stop_Robbery__Picture_News] <<_

GREEN LANTERN: >>Is he… is he _smiling_?<<

FLASH: >>Yeah, and it gets weirder. Here’s the front page of the Daily Planet from just a few months back<<

FLASH: >> _[attached img: Ultra-Humanite_Scheme_Foiled_by_World’s_Finest__Daily_Planet] <<_

GREEN LANTERN: >>Ewww, he looks weird smiling with the cowl on<<

FLASH: >>Notice how he’s only smiling when he’s with Superman?<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>You sure he isn’t just doing that because he’s getting his picture taken?<<

FLASH: >>No, take a look at this one where he’s with Wonder Woman<<

FLASH: >> _[attached img: Batman_Wonder_Woman_Power_Couple__Daily_Star]_ <<

FLASH: >>Or this one with Aquaman<<

FLASH: >> _[attached img: Brave_and_the_Bold_Aquaman_and_Batman__Bulletin]_ <<

GREEN LANTERN: >>He isn’t smiling in either of those ones<<

FLASH: >>Exactly<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>Well then Barry, you’re the detective here, what do you reckon the deal is?<<

FLASH: >>The deal is, Batman enjoys Superman’s company<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>Is that it?<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>Everyone likes Superman dude, I like him, you like him. It’s kinda hard not to like him<<

FLASH: >>Well yeah, but I mean as in, he’s probably the only one of us he’d call a friend and actually crack a smile around<<

FLASH: >>When was the last time Batman smiled at you Hal?<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>When I got hit by that truck<<

FLASH: >>God that was funny<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>IT WASN’T FOR ME!<<

FLASH: >>Well obviously<<

FLASH: >>But there you go, he’ll smile when you get hurt, but not any other time. Except when he’s with Superman<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>Do you think there’s a way we could test out this theory of yours?<<

FLASH: >>I’m glad you asked Hal, because I’ve already devised a plan to see if this really is the case. I just need you to play along<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>Gotcha<<

 

*******

 

FLASH: You know what we should do?

AQUAMAN: What?

FLASH: We should get a group photo

WONDER WOMAN: Barry that’s a wonderful idea!

GREEN LANTERN: Yeah that does sound like a good idea Barry

GREEN LANTERN: >>I see where you’re going with this<<

BATMAN: And why exactly would we need a group photo?

FLASH: Why not? We’re a team, why don’t we have a good team photo yet? Every self-respecting line-up of heroes has one.

FLASH: Also it could be useful for a public press release, but eh, who gives a crap about any of that practicality stuff eh Bruce?

BATMAN: I guess it’d be harmless

WONDER WOMAN: Oh I’m absolutely on board, it’s been so long since I’ve been in a team photo!

AQUAMAN: Hang on, if we’re all getting a photo together, I need to tidy up my beard. The King of the Sea needs to look presentable for his photo shoots

WONDER WOMAN: I can cut it for you if you’d like Arthur, I’d be more than happy to

AQUAMAN: That’d be wonderful Diana, I’ll grab my hair trimmers

WONDER WOMAN: No need, I’ll use my own

SUPERMAN: If we’re all going to look our best than I need to pop in for a quick haircut if that’s alright

FLASH: Sure, just be quick, I’ll get the equipment set up

GREEN LANTERN: Wait a minute

GREEN LANTERN: Clark you’re invincible. How do you even cut your hair? _Who_ cuts your hair?

SUPERMAN: Red sun lamps and Jimmy Olsen

GREEN LANTERN: Oh, that makes sense

GREEN LANTERN: Bruce, J’onn, are you guys going to get spruced up for the photo?

BATMAN: I’m fine

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: First impressions are important for someone of my nature, so I ensure there aren’t any overtly visible imperfections in my manhunter form.

GREEN LANTERN: Alright, just checking

GREEN LANTERN: >>They don’t suspect a thing, this is great!<<

FLASH: >>Well obviously they don’t suspect anything, I’m great with conversation, unlike you<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>Oh please, my tongue’s the smoothest on the West Coast<<

FLASH: >>Yeah, smooth like sandpaper<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>Whatever Barry<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>So how are we going to get Batman to smile?<<

FLASH: >>First, I’ll start by taking a couple of photos before I switch up the placement of everyone. I’ll justify it as being a way of seeing whatever line-up looks the best. Anyway, every so often, I’ll put Superman and Batman up the back next to each other, and since neither will suspect a thing, we can watch a see how things play out naturally.<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>Nice<<

FLASH: >>I know, I’m a genius. We just have to wait for Arthur and Clark to get ready and we get this ball rolling<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>He might not smile, you know, what with everyone here and everything<<

FLASH: >>You could say the same about those newspaper clippings. He’d know full well those would end up on public display, but he smiled anyway<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>True, guess we’ll just have to wait and see<<

WONDER WOMAN: Arthur and I are ready!

ARTHUR: OUTRAGEOUS

ARTHUR: Diana you must tell me where you get those brands from, my beard hasn’t felt this good in years! I can’t go back!

WONDER WOMAN: I’ll be sure to let you know Arthur. With hair like ours, you have to treat it with the best money can buy

SUPERMAN: I’m ready as well!

SUPERMAN: I hope you’re a decent photographer Barry, I promised Jimmy I’d give him a copy

FLASH: Clark please. When you spend years taking mugshots of criminals, you start to know how to best capture a person’s best features

FLASH: Now everybody get in here and let’s get started!

 

*******

 

FLASH: >>The photos are in!<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>SHOW ME SHOW ME<<

FLASH: >>Alright, here are the proper ones I think we can use officially<<

FLASH: >> _[attached img: Photo_1]_ <<  
FLASH: >> _[attached img: Photo_2]_ <<  
FLASH: >> _[attached img: Photo_3]_ <<

GREEN LANTERN: >>DUDE<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>1 AND 3<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>Batman’s standing next to Superman and he’s SMILING<<

FLASH: >>I KNOW<<

FLASH: >>AND LOOK AT BATMAN’S SHOULDER<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>CLARK’S GOT HIS HAND ON BATMAN<<

FLASH: >>I KNOW<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>So this pretty much confirms it.<<

FLASH: >>Pretty much<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>I see now why you’re a detective. You’re good with this stuff<<

FLASH: >>Aren’t I just?<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>How does Clark do it?<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>How does he make Batman like him more than anyone else one the team?<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>Shit I know he’d try and break my arm if I even _thought_ about putting my hand on his shoulder the way Clark did<<

FLASH: >>They’ve known each other longer than anyone else on the team, he probably just feels more comfortable around him<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>You don’t think he might be _gay_ for Clark, do you?<<

FLASH: >>Nah, there’s no way<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>You sure?<<

FLASH: >>Oh yeah. I can tell if someone’s gay or not<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>Really?<<

FLASH: >>Absolutely. Take you for example, one look and I can already tell you’re a massive faggot<<

GREEN LANTERN: >>God dammit Barry<<

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruce and Clark's purely fraternal friendship™ on full display this chapter. Also goddamn, I've made Barry a fucking savage in this fic like goddamn, his roast game has been on point.  
> Anyway, as always, I hoped you enjoyed the read.


	4. Of Minds and Men

GREEN LANTERN: Hey Diana, Arthur, can I ask you two a question?

WONDER WOMAN: Sure

AQUAMAN: Go right ahead old chum

GREEN LANTERN: Who would win in a fight between the two of you?

WONDER WOMAN: Arthur

AQUAMAN: Diana

WONDER WOMAN: Wait

AQUAMAN: Hold on

FLASH: Well now this is interesting

WONDER WOMAN: Oh come now Arthur, don’t be silly, you’d beat me

AQUAMAN: Oh no, your fighting skills far exceed my own Diana, you’d easily take me down

WONDER WOMAN: But you are from Atlantis, you command the power of the seas and wield Poseidon’s trident

AQUAMAN: AND YOU WERE FORGED BY THE GODS THEMSELVES

AQUAMAN: Trained for decades by the finest warriors of antiquity and have fought against godly terrors more times than I can count!

WONDER WOMAN: If we were anywhere near the ocean you’d easily defeat me

AQUAMAN: Well that brings up an important detail Diana. Exactly where are we doing battle?

WONDER WOMAN: Hal? You instigated this conversation, where are we meeting in this hypothetical scenario?

GREEN LANTERN: I dunno, an open football field I guess, to make it fair

WONDER WOMAN: What about weapons? Does Arthur get his trident? Do I keep my lasso?

GREEN LANTERN: Um…… no, neither of you get weapons

BATMAN: In that case, Diana would easily win. She’s more experienced with hand to hand combat and could overpower Arthur easily

AQUAMAN: HA SEE

BATMAN: Though if you were allowed weapons, Arthur could beat Diana easily with his trident’s ability to summon storms and earthquakes

WONDER WOMAN: Well there you have it

BATMAN: Though Diana could still beat Arthur if she was fast enough to get her lasso around him

GREEN LANTERN: I mean, I’d totally let Diana tie me up in that situation

WONDER WOMAN: Hal please

FLASH: Wait, since when did you become the official referee here Batman?

BATMAN: All your strengths and weaknesses are listed here in your files

GREEN LANTERN: I don’t remember filling out any files

BATMAN: There my files, not the League’s files

FLASH: Why do you have files on us Bruce?

BATMAN: I have files on everyone, that includes us Justice Leaguers

FLASH: Why would you have those?

BATMAN: You don’t?

FLASH: No

BATMAN: What if one us were to go rogue? Or become susceptible to mind control? We would need to have contingencies in place to ensure we could stop whichever one of us turns against us.

AQUAMAN: Don’t be ridiculous old chum, none of us would ever turn ourselves over to the forces of evil! Why, I’d rather stick my hand in a jar full of hungry piranhas before thinking of renouncing my heroic ways!

BATMAN: Sure, that might be case for you Arthur, but can you say that about the rest of us? I would be here all day if I had to list off all of the psychic villains we’ve fought that have the potential to take control of us.

FLASH: I mean, I wouldn’t say that I’ve ever been controlled before, but Grodd does give me one hell of a headache.

WONDER WOMAN: I must admit, there have quite a few times when I’ve been succumbed to the will of the enemy’s mind. Dr Psycho is a truly malevolent foe.

GREEN LANTERN: Oh, you think he’s bad? You haven’t met Hector Hammond. Dude is F-R-E-A-K-Y

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: I’ve had to relive the death of my people and family countless times over when I was subjected to psychic torture by Despero and my brother Malefic on separate occasions.

FLASH: Jesus

WONDER WOMAN: Oh my gods.

WONDER WOMAN: Are… are you okay J’onn?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: No…

BATMAN: See? Even if we may never willingly turn evil, there are plenty of villains out there more than capable of taking control of us. That’s why we need to have a clear understanding of our strengths and weaknesses if we are to come up with a contingency plan.

FLASH: More like YOU need to have a clear understanding of our strengths and weaknesses

FLASH: Where you ever planning on sharing any of this with us?

BATMAN: No, that defeats the whole purpose of having a plan in place to stop you. I can’t stop you if you know what I’m going to do.

FLASH: Well, knowing you, I’m sure you have several plans in place to deal with us if one plan doesn’t work out. Can you at least tell us one of your other plans? To break the ice?

BATMAN: That’s ridiculous Flash

WONDER WOMAN: Come on Bruce, we’re a team, teammates don’t hold secrets.

AQUAMAN: Indeed old chum, lighten the mood you have so heavily dampened with this revelation.

BATMAN: Fine, since you’re all so persistent about this…

BATMAN: Flash, I’ve retro-engineered the technology from Captain Cold’s cold-gun to creat absolute-zero energy field that will freeze your hyperspeed molecules in place.

FLASH: Nifty

BATMAN: Diana, I’ve designed several meters-worth of titanium-woven, energy conductive, binding rope capable of restraining you.

WONDER WOMAN: My my Bruce… if you truly wanted to tie me up all you had to do was ask…

GREEN LANTERN: I’LL HAPPILY TIE YOU UP DIANA

WONDER WOMAN: Hal for the last time, I won’t tie you up nor will I let you tie me up

GREEN LANTERN: One of these days Diana… one of these days…

BATMAN: Arthur I’ve specifically designed a type of nano-robot to be injected into your bloodstream that drains your internal moisture levels, dehydrating you at an accelerated rate

AQUAMAN: An ingenious method of incapacitation Batman

BATMAN: J’onn, I had designed a chemical that would cause you to sweat a type of nitro-glycerine that combusts upon exposure to oxygen. But after your recent… uh… revelations… about your experiences… I feel I may scrap that plan for your own wellbeing

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Your empathy for me, even in the face of my potential betrayal is nothing short of commendable. Thank you

GREEN LANTERN: Alright, enough beating around the bush, how would you beat me?

BATMAN: I’d cover myself in yellow paint and punch you in the face

GREEN LANTERN: That…

GREEN LANTERN: …would work quite well actually yeah

FLASH: Wait so… what’s _your_ plan?

BATMAN: Excuse me?

FLASH: Y’know, if you ever turn evil. What do you have in place?

BATMAN: Nothing

FLASH: Don’t be ridiculous Bruce, I know you’d have something planned, what is it?

GREEN LANTERN: Yeah come on tell us

WONDER WOMAN: My curiosity has most certainly been piqued

BATMAN: FINE

BATMAN: …it’s Superman

GREEN LANTERN: AHHHHHHH I KNEW IT HE’S GAY! HE’S GAY FOR CLARK

BATMAN: I’M NOT DON’T BE RIDICULOUS

BATMAN: I only listed him as he’s the only one I believe in who could possibly stop me if I was to ever turn evil, and possibly bring me back to the side of good

WONDER WOMAN: A noble sentiment to hold for your friend Bruce

BATMAN: Promise you won’t tell him though, okay? I don’t need him holding that over my head.

WONDER WOMAN: We won’t

FLASH: Cross my heart

**[SUPERMAN] has joined [JUSTICE LEAGUE EMERGENCY COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

SUPERMAN: Hey guys, sorry I’m late I was busy, what’d I miss?

GREEN LANTERN: Funny you should say that Clark

GREEN LANTERN: I have something to tell you

BATMAN: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 **[BATMAN] has kicked [GREEN LANTERN] from [JUSTICE LEAGUE EMERGENCY COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I'm back finally after *checks date* oh fuck  
> Folks here's a PSA for you all. Always remember the password to your AO3 account. It'll save you getting locked out for FIVE MONTHS  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this new chapter. I hope it was worth the wait...


	5. A Strenuous Work Environment

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Attention all Justice Leaguers

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Reports are coming in that the Injustice Gang is running rampant in inner city Metropolis.

BATMAN: How many members?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: All seven by the looks of things. Clayface, Giganta, Captain Cold, Scavenger, Star Sapphire, The Human Flame and their ring-leader, Ultra-Humanite, have all been sighted.

SUPERMAN: Looks like we’re going to need everyone on board for this mission.

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Indeed Superman, and furthermore, scans indicate that they’ve activated a device that is emitting an electro-magnetic field blocking all outside communications.

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Batman has taken the precaution to install our communicators with state-of-the-art shielding technology, meaning that we’ll be forced to use this channel until that device is taken offline.

GREEN LANTERN: Wait so, we’re actually going to have to use this channel for its _actual_ purpose in an _actual_ emergency scenario?

BATMAN: Is that going to be an issue Hal?

GREEN LANTERN: No, of course not. I just never thought we’d see the day we’d use it for anything else.

BATMAN: I made this channel for a reason Hal. It might just give us the edge over the Injustice Gang that we lacked the last time we faced them.

WONDER WOMAN: I’m more than looking forward to getting a little payback for what they did to us in Happy Harbour

AQUAMAN: Indeed, we shall ride into this battle as AVENGERS!

SUPERMAN: Indeed we shall.

SUPERMAN: Just don’t say that out loud though, we’ll get sued.

AQUAMAN: Oh, right…

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Justice Leaguers, assemble in the teleportation chamber and get ready to beam down.

***

BATMAN: Leaguers status report

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Searching the North end of the area for signs of Ultra-Humanite

WONDER WOMAN: Keeping Giganta distracted in the South-East

FLASH: Surveying combat area for civilian stragglers

FLASH: HAL FFS CAN YOU TELL YOUR GIRLFIREND TO STOP HASSLING ME?

GREEN LANTERN: IT’S A LITTLE BIT MORE COMPLICATED THAN SIMPLY TELLING HER TO STOP BARRY

AQUAMAN: I’m with Superman on the East Side battling Scavenger

SUPERMAN: What about your end Batman? How are things going with getting that EMP generator offline?

BATMAN: Just took down Clayface and I’m at the generator now, but there’s a problem.

BATMAN: Cold’s managed to rig some sort of absolute-zero force field around the generator, preventing me from getting to it.

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Is there any way we can get through?

BATMAN: If what I’ve gathered on Cold is correct, his energy weapons freeze objects at a molecular level. In our case, the force field would also be freezing the water vapor in the air.

AQUAMAN: I already sense you may need my assistance.

BATMAN: Can your hydrokinesis extend to ice?

AQUAMAN: Indeed it can!

BATMAN: Good, I’ll need you to manipulate the frozen water molecules to create a breach that I can use to get through

AQUAMAN: Too easy old chum, I’ll be right over!

AQUAMAN: But Superman, will you be okay handling the Scavenger whilst I’m gone?

SUPERMAN: That depends. Flash, are there any civilians still left on the East Side?

FLASH: No. Everyone in a three-mile radius has been evacuated

SUPERMAN: Good, this won’t take long then

WONDER WOMAN: Hal, can I get some help over here?!

GREEN LANTERN: Of course, I’ll be right over.

FLASH: IS ANYONE GOING TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT STAR SAPPHIRE?

GREEN LANTERN: NOW IS REALLY NOT THE TIME TO BE COMPLAINING BARRY

FLASH: WELL WHAT DO I DO?

GREEN LANTERN: YOU’RE SMART, YOU’LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT!

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Flash, I’ve located the hideout where Humanite, Cold and Flame are hiding. If you lure Sapphire over here we an isolate them into a single area for easier capture.

FLASH: At least someone is looking out for their teammates.

GREEN LANTERN: Hey! I’m over here helping Diana thank you very much!

WONDER WOMAN: Can we _please_ not argue whilst we’re in the middle of a mission, please?

GREEN LANTERN: Sorry Diana

GREEN LANTERN: It seems that some people are just incapable of understanding that they aren’t the centre of attention

FLASH: Rich coming from you Hal

BATMAN: Alright, the generator is offline, we can switch over to regular communications in a few moments after the residual electro-magnetic energy dissipates.

AQUAMAN: HUSSAR

Green Lantern: Thank god

FLASH: Woah, what was that noise? Was that the generator shutting off?

BATMAN: No

GREEN LANTERN: I heard it too, sounded like an explosion

WONDER WOMAN: Kal?

SUPERMAN: Scavenger is down

WONDER WOMAN: Ah

SUPERMAN: What’s the situation on the other villains?

WONDER WOMAN: Hal and I have subdued Giganta

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: And Flash and I have got the remaining four members of the gang surrounded on the North Side

SUPERMAN: Well then, Justice League, rendezvous at J’onn’s location and let’s show these villains what we’re made of!

 

***  


WONDER WOMAN: Good job everyone!

AQUAMAN: Indeed splendid teamwork out there!

AQUAMAN: I think I shall call this adventure, “ _The Tumultuous Tale of the Two Teams!_ ”

SUPERMAN: I appreciate the effort you put into your alliteration Arthur

ARTHUR: Thank you

BATMAN: I wouldn’t exactly go about patting each other on the back just yet, we’ve got some serious issues that require addressing about our performance in the field today

GREEN LANTERN: I’m not sure what you mean Bats, I mean, we stopped the Injustice Gang AND captured all of them without a single loss of life

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: There was substantial collateral damage done to the surrounding property though

WONDER WOMAN: J’onn has a point. Was it really necessary to use that much force in stopping Scavenger, Kal?

SUPERMAN: Ultra-Humanite had fitted his mech with kryptonite weapons, I couldn’t take any chances

WONDER WOMAN: But dropping a building on him?

SUPERMAN: It was a LexCorp owned apartment building, it’s fine

BATMAN: I was going to focus more on how thinly spread we were during that fight. There were seven supervillains all up, one for each of us. But Giganta required the combined strength of two of our own to take her down.

BATMAN: This is combined with the two more members preoccupied taking down the Generator, one fighting against Scavenger, and another on evac duty. And thus, for a significant amount of time, only one of us was left to deal with the remaining supervillains.

BATMAN: The nature of the fight meant we were spread out, isolated and separated from the rest of the team, preventing us from more easily neutralising the threat. It wasn’t long before tensions began to take shape.

FLASH: You don’t have to remind me. Would’ve been a lot easier to deal with Star Sapphire if I had some HELP

GREEN LANTERN: Let’s not start this again please

FLASH: I’m just saying…

GREEN LANTERN: Look we did as best we could with the situation we were in. There’s only seven of us, remember?

BATMAN: Exactly, which is why I propose we expand our ranks

FLASH: Expand?

SUPERMAN: Bruce we’ve talked about this, I know, but don’t you think it’s a bit early to be bringing in new members?

BATMAN: It doesn’t have to be a massive number of people, just enough to give us the tactical edge we need to prevent the supervillains from getting the better of us again, intentionally or otherwise.

BATMAN: Because make no mistake, the Injustice Gang is just a precursor of what’s to come. Now that us heroes are teaming up, it won’t be long before more of the villains start to as well

AQUAMAN: Well that’s a pleasant thought…

WONDER WOMAN: I agree that we need to expand the League, but I also think we shouldn’t rush into it either.

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: I think what is best for all of us is to rest and recuperate from our last battle, and we can pick up this discussion later.

SUPERMAN: J’onn’s right, we all need to rest for a bit.

SUPERMAN: Despite everything, I’m proud of the work we accomplished today team, we all deserve a good rest after that.

FLASH: Thanks Clark

GREEN LANTERN: Yeah, thanks Dad

FLASH: What?

SUPERMAN: What?

GREEN LANTERN: _Shit_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again with a new chapter. This one was a lot of fun to write and I hope you all get as much enjoyment out of reading it as much as I did making it. And look at that, the possibility of new members joining the team. I wonder who they could be?


	6. An Unexpected Visitor

**[L-78543] has joined [JUSTICE LEAGUE EMERGENCY COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

GREEN LANTERN: Yo new phone who dis?

FLASH: Da fuq

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Leaguers, this is not one of us, I repeat, this is not one of us.

BATMAN: Identify yourself immediately

L-78543: So this is the Justice League’s secret communications channel? So much for your supposedly impenetrable defences

L-78543: Though to be fair, it’s not like that statement means much after what happened at Happy Harbour now does it?

FLASH: How do you know about Happy Harbour?

GREEN LANTERN: How does he know about our chat room?

WONDER WOMAN: Reveal yourself at once intruder!

L-78543: And why would I do that Princess? It’s not like you have any influence over me. Threats of your demigod strength hold little sway in the realm of digital communication

L-78543: That goes for the rest of you so-called “champions” as well. All too eager to display your unimaginable power, deciding what is right through might. Yet when you come face-to-face with an adversary that challenges you in a way that you can’t approach with flying fists, you crumble under pressure.

WONDER WOMAN: Unbelievable

L-78543: See what I mean?

SUPERMAN: I know who this is

GREEN LANTERN: Who?

SUPERMAN: The condescending language, the smug self-assurance in their own intelligence, the patronising use of herculean descriptions. It’s obvious who this is

SUPERMAN: Show yourself Luthor!

**[L-78543] changed their name to [LEX LUTHOR]**

LEX LUTHOR: About time you figured it out Superman

SUPERMAN: I had a feeling you were up to something when my super-hearing picked up a strange signal coming from the LexCorp building during our fight last week

SUPERMAN: I was just waiting for you to go on your usual spiel to confirm it was you

LEX LUTHOR: It seems you know me all too well man of steel

BATMAN: How did you hack into our systems?

LEX LUTHOR: Oh please, there isn’t a thing on this planet that remains out of reach for the great Lex Luthor. All I need is time, information, and patience

LEX LUTHOR: And luckily for me, I possess all three

BATMAN: You didn’t answer my question

LEX LUTHOR: And why should I?

SUPERMAN: Because the Lex Luthor I know would never turn down an opportunity to gloat

LEX LUTHOR: Another correct observation, I must admit. Very well then

FLASH: /Whisper [BATMAN]

FLASH: >> What are you doing? Are we seriously just letting Lex flipping Luthor make himself comfortable in our channel?<<

BATMAN: >>It’s called a distraction Flash.<<

BATMAN: >>J’onn’s already locked out Luthor from accessing the rest of the League’s database and is working on isolating and blocking the signal Luthor is broadcasting from.<<

BATMAN: >>This channel is as far as Luthor’s going to get.<<  
FLASH: >>So you’re feeding Luthor’s ego to keep him occupied whilst we lock him out. Of course, that’s genius!<<

BATMAN: >>Like I say Barry. I’ve got contingencies for everything.<<

LEX LUTHOR: I was onto your little group of Super Friends the moment you went public. It’s why I hired Ultra-Humanite to form that band of b-listers you call the Injustice Gang to find and destroy your first base.

GREEN LANTERN: So it was your fault that our base at Happy Harbour went down.

AQUAMAN: You unchivalrous urchin!

LEX LUTHOR: Oh please, save the dramatic speech for when we’re actually in person at least.

SUPERMAN: But the Injustice Gang didn’t stop us.

LEX LUTHOR: Indeed they didn’t, and I predicted that you would’ve undertaken more in-depth security measures to prevent such an event like Happy Harbour from occurring again. So, we set up the EMP-Generator in Metropolis, to force you into using your new communications method.

LEX LUTHOR: That signal you heard Superman? That was my research team and I using a state-of-the-art transmission triangulator to hack into your systems. It cost me a fortune, but here I am, inside your “Emergency Communications Channel.”

LEX LUTHOR: I must say, it’s a lot more primitive than I expected.

SUPERMAN: Well, I’m sorry to burst your bubble Luthor, but this isn’t a communications channel.

LEX LUTHOR: What?

GREEN LANTERN: I mean give him some credit Supes, it technically WAS when it was made. It just didn’t stay that way for long. Tell him Batman

BATMAN: It’s true. As much as I hate to admit it, this channel is more recreational than practical now

LEX LUTHOR: How ridiculous

LEX LUTHOR: How stupid do you think I am? If you think your little cover story can sway me than you are very much mistaken.

FLASH: Oh he’s serious. J’onn, send Luthor a snapshot of the tuna incident will you?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: >> _[attached img: screenshot_09]_ <<

LEX LUTHOR: What on Earth?

SUPERMAN: Sorry Luthor, but you’ve just wasted several million dollars hacking into our private discord server.

BATMAN: And all this time you’ve been typing, Manhunter’s been locking you out of the rest of our systems and isolated the signal you’re broadcasting on.

LEX LUTHOR: No

LEX LUTHOR: YOU INSOLENT FOOLS

FLASH: Lex Luthor? More like Lex Losing-it! You’ve just been played HARD son!

LEX LUTHOR: YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH THIS? I’LL FIND A WAY BACK IN! I’LL FIND YOUR NEW BASE AND DESTROY IT!

SUPERMAN: I don’t think so.

SUPERMAN: Manhunter, if you would do the honours.

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: It would be my pleasure

**[MARTIAN MANHUNTER] has kicked [LEX LUTHOR] from [JUSTICE LEAGUE EMERGENCY COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

WONDER WOMAN: Well, that was most certainly unexpected

GREEN LANTERN: So much for strengthened security, huh Bruce?

BATMAN: There must’ve been a serious security oversight I missed, I will admit. This was not supposed to happen.

SUPERMAN: Ah don’t beat yourself up too much Bruce. Luthor’s a mad genius that’s above your regular dime-a-dozen hacker. And much as I hate to admit it, he’s right in saying that he could get into anything if he REALLY wanted to.

SUPERMAN: Besides, you and J’onn managed to block him out for good.

BATMAN: We’ll see about that, I’m still going to have a serious look over our firewalls and detection systems after this

WONDER WOMAN: To think that Luthor was behind both the Injustice Gang and Happy Harbour. The outrage!

AQUAMAN: Indeed! Why, when I get my hands on that slippery excuse of a human, I’ll ring every fluid out of his body and stretch him out like a sail!

SUPERMAN: I should’ve seen it sooner. Him and Ultra-Humanite have been at my throat longer than anyone else, it’s no surprise they were in cahoots with each other.

FLASH: Hey, at least Humanite’s in jail and we have a confession from Luthor. That should be enough to put him behind bars.

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: I wouldn’t go so far as to say that what we have here is strong enough evidence to confidently challenge Luthor’s legal team in a court of law Flash.

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: The flip-side to this is that Luthor doesn’t have any of our vital information, nor would his pride allow him to willingly admit he hacked into and was kicked out of our, uh, chatroom, so to speak.

FLASH: So what do we do now?

SUPERMAN: We keep doing what we’ve always done, protect the innocent and uphold the law. That, and wait for Luthor to make his next move.

BATMAN: Couldn’t agree more Clark.

GREEN LANTERN: So uhhh, is now a good time to ask how the recruitment effort is going or should I wait?

BATMAN: Well, after that near-disaster, I say expanding our ranks should be top-priority considering my suspicions of villains becoming more emboldened has proven to be correct. What’s our progress?

WONDER WOMAN: Oh, that’s reminded me! I reached out to an old friend and he says that he’s open to joining the League!

GREEN LANTERN: That’s good, cause I’ve got a buddy from work who wants to join too.

SUPERMAN: There’s a hero me and Diana have been following for a while now that I think is ready to join. He’s got the potential to become a real hero under the right tutelage.

WONDER WOMAN: Are you talking about the youngster from Fawcett City? OH THAT’S GREAT KAL! I knew the wizard made a right choice with him!

BATMAN: Define “youngster” Diana. We’re not going to be bringing children into the League. This line of work is far too dangerous for a child.

FLASH: Bruh…

GREEN LANTERN: Are… are you serious?

AQUAMAN: As I believe the kids would say, big yikes moment right there

BATMAN: What are you all on about?

BATMAN: Oh

BATMAN: Never mind carry on

AQUAMAN: Well, I’ve also got a very special someone that would like to join.

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: An old acquaintance of mine has also voiced interest in joining us as well. He should be on-world by the end of the month.

GREEN LANTERN: On-world? Another alien?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Indeed Hal

FLASH: Man, you guys need to step up your game. I managed to convince TWO people to join us! How do you like them apples?

WONDER WOMAN: Quite impressive Flash

AQUAMAN: Indeed, great effort

GREEN LANTERN: Two? Oh god, don’t tell me it’s who I think it is

FLASH: I can guarantee that it includes people you know Hal

GREEN LANTERN: URRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

BATMAN: Is that everyone? In that case, I think this is a reasonable number of new additions to the League. At the very least, it’ll give us the edge we need when we face off against whatever Luthor throws at us next.

WONDER WOMAN: Oooooo new members, I can’t wait to meet all these new heroes!

GREEN LANTERN: I can

GREEN LANTERN: Now if you excuse me, I’ve got to go back down planetside to grab my MAGA hat.

WONDER WOMAN: Why?

GREEN LANTERN: Because an old “friend” of mine is joining the League.

GREEN LANTERN: I hope you guys like bad chilli…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You thought the new character would be a hero, but it was I, LUTHOR!  
> But no seriously, new Leaguers coming next chapter, I promise. Pretty obvious who'll be joining, but I think I left a few hints ambiguous enough to keep some of you guessing. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this new chapter.


	7. Orientation Day

FLASH: Well, I must say that went rather smoothly

WONDER WOMAN: Indeed, orientation went incredibly smoothly, good work out there Bruce

BATMAN: Proper team cohesion requires appropriate contextualization, especially when dealing with new members

AQUAMAN: And what a colourful cast of characters we have assembled here today!

WONDER WOMAN: I’m just glad there’s finally more women on the team, your wife was especially pleasant to meet Arthur

AQUAMAN: She was quite excited to see the Princess of the Amazons herself Diana

WONDER WOMAN: And that Dinah had such so much inner fire, I sense a proud and honourable warrior’s spirit within her.

GREEN LANTERN: Dinah and Diana. That’s not going to get confusing

FLASH: Says the man who brought ANOTHER Green Lantern onto the team.

FLASH: When’d he get here anyway? I thought there was only supposed to be one Lantern per sector

GREEN LANTERN: There is, usually. He came in after I got hit by that truck and couldn’t move for months

GREEN LANTERN: The Guardians sent down a ring to find a replacement and found him. He was real good too, so much so that they decided to keep him around after I recovered.

FLASH: What’s he like? He didn’t seem very talkative at orientation

GREEN LANTERN: Look imma be real with you, he’s a real stick-in-the-mud kind of guy, he was in the marines after all, those guys are no fun. But he’ll warm to you eventually, don’t worry

AQUAMAN: Well I think that jolly red fellow was rather nice.

GREEN LANTERN: Who? Santa Claus?

FLASH: Yeah, you’re going to have to be a bit more specific Arthur, there were like three big red fellows on the bridge today

GREEN LANTERN: Was it the tin can?

AQUAMAN: No no, he was a bit too, how you say… reserved… during the meeting to make a real impression

WONDER WOMAN: Tornado? Oh he’s like that at first, but I assure you, he’s easily one of the honest beings you could ever have the pleasure of meeting. He was quite the attraction during my days in the Justice Society

GREEN LANTERN: You were in the Justice Society?

WONDER WOMAN: Of course I was. Did Alan never tell you?

GREEN LANTERN: Old man Scott never tells me anything

FLASH: Jay told me ages ago

WONDER WOMAN: To be fair, I never was out much, I was mainly their secretary for a lot of that time

GREEN LANTERN: Why’d you leave?

WONDER WOMAN: I never truly left, the society was shut down before I could pen my resignation. I had lost a close friend at that time and I couldn’t muster the will to carry on

AQUAMAN: I’m sorry to hear that Princess

WONDER WOMAN: It’s alright, I’m just so glad to be part of a team again!

AQUAMAN: Well, see I was actually referring to J’onn’s friend, the alien fellow. Where was he from again?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Saturn. Jemm is the last surviving member of the Red Saturnian royal family, it’s an honour to have him join our ranks.

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: I’m not surprised your received him warmly Arthur, he is quite empathetic.

GREEN LANTERN: Jeez, what’s that now, three royals on the team? Ollie’s gonna flip.

SUPERMAN: I’m back everyone. I was just showing our new members to their rooms.

BATMAN: Are they all settling in well?

SUPERMAN: I think so. I think we won’t be needing a bed in Tornado’s room based on the way he was eyeing it up when I went past, but apart from that, it’s all looking good.

GREEN LANTERN: So when are we going to be bringing them in?

SUPERMAN: To where?

GREEN LANTERN: You know, here

GREEN LANTERN: Are we going to give them access to this channel or what?

BATMAN: Are you serious?

WONDER WOMAN: It would seem only fair

FLASH: Yeah, we should let them in

BATMAN: Isn’t it enough that you’ve already twisted this channel far enough away from its original purpose, do you really want to bring in this potential distraction to our new members this early?

GREEN LANTERN: Well I mean, yeah actually

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: To give Hal some credit, perhaps it would make the transition process much easier for our new members if we gave them all a space to communicate more freely than a more formal environment like we had at orientation.

BATMAN: You can’t be serious J’onn

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Very much so Bruce

SUPERMAN: Well I’m with J’onn. I was down with bringing them in sooner or later, so this is fine by me

AQUAMAN: Yes, our green friend has never steered us in the wrong direction before, I don’t believe he will begin to do so now

GREEN LANTERN: The people have spoken Bruce

BATMAN: Fine

BATMAN: I’ll get the communicators, J’onn, get ready to bring in some new users

 

***

 

**[MARTIAN MANHUNTER] added [RED TORNADO] [GREEN ARROW] [BLACK CANARY] [MERA] [CAPTAIN THUNDER] [GREEN LANTERN] and [JEMM] to [JUSTICE LEAGUE EMERGENCY COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Welcome to the Emergency Communications Channel

CAPTAIN THUNDER: Whoa, a private chatroom? COOL

MERA: I believe this is supposed to be for emergencies only Captain

FLASH: Oh believe me your highness, that couldn’t be further from the truth

AQUAMAN: My dear, how has your time in the Watchtower been treating you?

MERA: Quite well Arthur, your surface dweller friends certainly know how to treat a Queen of Atlantis well

WONDER WOMAN: I’m glad to hear that your highness. I was worried the facilities here would be a bit too… masculine… for your taste.

MERA: Everything is just fine Princess, no need to worry. Even if it wasn’t up to scratch I could handle it. I mean, I live with Arthur for Poseidon’s sake

AQUAMAN: IT’S TRUE!

GREEN LANTERN: Why are we all still talking? I thought this was supposed to be for emergencies only?

FLASH: Hal you know that isn’t the case

GREEN LANTERN: I’m not Hal

FLASH: What?

GREEN LANTERN: I’m Hal, that’s John

FLASH: Wait

GREEN LANTERN: Looks like we’ve got a problem

GREEN LANTERN: You’re telling me

GREEN LANTERN: Hang on

**[GREEN LANTERN] changed their name to [GREEN LANTERN (HAL)]**

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): There we go, that should clear things up

**[GREEN LANTERN] changed their name to [GREEN LANTERN (JOHN)]**

GREEN LANTERN (JOHN): Much better

GREEN LANTERN (JOHN): But seriously, Manhunter said this was an emergency channel, we shouldn’t be using it for casual chatter

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): John, buddy, I don’t have time to explain it to you in full, but just know that the whole “emergencies only” thing is pretty much in name only at this point

FLASH: Just letting you know, you two are fucked if we ever have another Luthor incident

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Lot of guys named Hal and John out there Barry, I think we’ll be fine

GREEN LANTERN (JOHN): What was the Luthor incident?

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Oh nothing, Lex Luthor just hacked into our systems and tried to steal all our data

GREEN LANTERN (JOHN): HE DID WHAT  
GREEN LANTERN (JOHN): And you let this happen?

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): It’s fine, we handled it, nothing to worry about.

GREEN LANTERN (JOHN): I think there’s a lot of things I should start worrying about here Hal

BATMAN: It only gets worse from here Stewart, believe me

GREEN ARROW: He should know that by now Batman, he works with Hal for a living

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): There he is

GREEN ARROW: How’s it been Hal, enjoying your little stay up here in this affront to the UN Space Treaty?

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Yeah it's good to see you again too Oliver.

BLACK CANARY: Don’t worry about him Hal, he’s just a bit out of his element up here

GREEN ARROW: Look, the only reason I signed up for this gig was to keep you bastards honest. There’s still a whole lot of stuff going on down on the streets that you lot seem oblivious to. So don’t get any ideas, I’m just here to remind you all to keep a lookout for the little guy.

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Wait, so you didn’t come up here just to say hi to your ol’ buddy Hal again? I’m hurt Ollie, I really am

CAPTAIN THUNDER: I’m sorry, am I missing something here or?

FLASH: Hal, Arrow and Canary all used to ride together back in the day. Called themselves the “Hard-Travellin’ Heroes”

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Yeah it was pretty sweet, we had a van and everything

CAPTAIN THUNDER: You had your own van? COOL! I wish I had my own superhero car

SUPERMAN: Billy you can fly

CAPTAIN THUNDER: Yeah, but girls love cars. You can’t pick up chicks by flying alone.

SUPERMAN: Speak for yourself

SUPERMAN: Also you’re far too young to be worrying about girls

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Oh, no way Clark, this kid’s got his priorities straight

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Listen buddy, if you need advice on how to pick up chicks, I’m your guy

CAPTAIN THUNDER: Really? You’d do that?

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Of course man

GREEN ARROW: Hal no. We’ve talked about this, you’re not allowed near minors, you’re a bad influence on them

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Says you Ollie. You weren’t actually peachy with Speedy when he needed your help.  

GREEN ARROW: Look, he got over it by himself, he didn’t need my help, and the Captain sure as hell doesn’t need yours.

CAPTAIN THUNDER: Gee, maybe I shouldn’t have said anything

BLACK CANARY: Oh, it’s not your fault Billy, they’re just like this.

FLASH: Wait a second Billy, I thought your name was Captain Marvel, not thunder

AQUAMAN: Well I heard it was Shazam

CAPTAIN THUNDER: Well it’s complicated. See, I WAS going around calling myself Captain Marvel, but then I found out that was already trademarked, so I had to change it if I didn’t want to get sued.

CAPTAIN THUNDER: I went with Shazam at first, but that just made things far too convoluted than it needed to be. So in the end I went with Captain Thunder, cause y’know, thunder always come after the lightning and all that…

AQUAMAN: Clever

CAPTAIN THUNDER: So like, I’m guessing it’s all cool for us to post in here now? I mean, if this isn’t an emergency channel or anything

SUPERMAN: It’s fine Billy, we usually use this to casual conversation more than anything if that wasn’t obvious enough already

CAPTAIN THUNDER: Cool! So can I like, post some memes and stuff here too?

SUPERMAN: Um, sure? Hang on

SUPERMAN: J’onn what’s our stance on memes in the chat?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: You are going to have to excuse me on this Superman, but what are memes?

CAPTAIN THUNDER: YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT MEMES ARE?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: I can’t say I do sorry

RED TORNADO: Meme. Noun. An element of a culture or system of behaviour passed from one individual to another by imitation or other non-genetic means.

WONDER WOMAN: Hey it’s Tornado! Glad you could join us

RED TORNADO: Greetings Diana. I had just finished integrating my communicator’s signal into my internal wireless communicator when I joined in on your conversation. I thought I would help.

WONDER WOMAN: Well, it’s just nice to see you again after all these years

RED TORNADO: Yes, it is nice to see you too Diana

SUPERMAN: Say, while we've got you Tornado, would you like us to remove the bed in your quarters and replace with some sort of recharging station? Just for your convenience that is

RED TORNADO: It is fine Superman. I shall make necessary adjustments to my room as I see fit. Besides, I have come to the conclusion that the partaking in traditional human activities will help improve my cognitive processing in regards to, and interactions with humans. Sleeping in a bed would be among said activities.

SUPERMAN: Okay, just checking... 

CAPTAIN THUNDER: Sorry to interject and not to sound rude or anything Mr Tornado, but that’s not what a meme is

RED TORNADO: Sure it is. Memes were first conceptualised by Richard Dawkins in his 1976 book "The Selfish Gene" under that same relative definition.

CAPTAIN THUNDER: No no, memes are the funny videos or pictures with captions that you send to your friends on discord and stuff.

CAPTAIN THUNDER: They aren’t... whatever you just said they were.

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Oh, now I believe I know what you’re talking about

CAPTAIN THUNDER: You do?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Yes. Memes are those funny pictures I see on social media with the little yellow creatures. Minions I believe they are called. They are very funny.

CAPTAIN THUNDER: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: What’s wrong? Are they not memes?

CAPTAIN THUNDER: NO!

CAPTAIN THUNDER: Well, I mean, yes they are technically. But they’re not funny, they’re terrible. They’re boomer memes that aunts and anti-vaxxer moms find funny. You aren’t supposed to like them!

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Well I think they are quite amusing, perhaps I should send you a few of my favourites and see if you like them?

CAPTAIN THUNDER: NO PLEASE NO! NO!

JEMM: Perhaps what we need now is a little bit of empathy to ease the mood.

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Ah Jemm, thank the red sands you’re here. You have a solution to this conflict I presume?

JEMM: Of course J’onn. I can create a telepathic link between you and the Captain that will allow you two to bond over your shared love of internet memes.

CAPTAIN THUNDER: Uh, how are you going to do that?

JEMM: The birthstone upon my head allows me to instill my emotions and share the emotions of others with those around me. The last Saturnian who was born with this stone, Jargon the Mighty, used its power to spread empathy and compassion across all of Saturn. It is a gift from my ancestor and a tool to spread kindness and love wherever I go.

CAPTAIN THUNDER: Ummmm

JEMM: It can also shoot lasers

CAPTAIN THUNDER: Oh cool!

JEMM: So what do you say Captain? J’onn? Are you both willing to see the other’s point of view?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: If it means understanding and exploring the experiences of one of my new teammates, then I am more than welcome to offer myself to you Jemm.

CAPTAIN THUNDER: I mean, sure, why not? The wizard always says to treat others as you yourself would want to be treated so I guess if I want to show people what memes I like, I should probably let J’onn post memes he likes too.

JEMM: See? We have not even begun and already we have come to an understanding.

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Okay, so apparently I’m not allowed near Billy cause I’m a “bad influence” but we’re just gonna let this red space hippie poke around in his brain like nothing’s wrong?

FLASH: He’s just helping J’onn and Billy bond over silly pictures on the internet Hal, it’s nothing to worry about

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Nothing to worry about? Have you SEEN the kind of “silly pictures” that are on the internet these days? Hell, have you seen what people make about us Barry? I wouldn’t be showing that to a kid

FLASH: W-what kinds of drawings have you seen about us Hal?

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Trust me Barry, you don’t want to know…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, after an unnecessarily long time, WE'VE GOT SOME NEW CHARACTERS! And some subtle lore too, that's always fun  
> Sorry this chapter took longer than usual to publish, but I wanted to make sure it was as good as I could make it and that all of the new characters had their own little moments and found their own voices in some way. Here's hoping it's not complete crap and was worth the wait for you all.


	8. One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Green Fish

FLASH: Hey J’onn, where’s Batman and Superman?

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Probably on a date

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: No, they’re on a mission.

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): So a date then

GREEN LANTERN (JOHN): Batman and Superman are dating?

CAPTAIN THUNDER: Superman’s gay?

GREEN ARROW: Batman’s gay?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: No. No. Maybe.

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: They’re actually on a stakeout. Ultra-Humanite has been transferred to Stryker’s and the two are monitoring activity out of LexCorp to see of Luthor is in contact with him.

FLASH: So then why aren’t they reading as offline then?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: They’re still using the channel to communicate. We know for a fact that Luthor can’t access it so it’s their safest bet.

GREEN LANTERN (JOHN): Then why aren’t their message coming through?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: I’ve isolated them into a private chatroom for them to talk in. It’s more secure than simply whispering and allows them to more freely communicate that way.

CAPTAIN THUNDER: You can do that?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Of course I can. I’m the moderator of this channel, I can do anything.

RED TORNADO: Not necessarily. A quick analysis of the available functions in this group chat show that there is quite significantly less features here than most commercial alternatives available on the market.

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Thank you, Captain Obvious

JEMM: Hal please, be polite

RED TORNADO: Actually, my name is Red Tornado. There are no members here with the name ‘Captain Obvious’ however there is a Captain Thunder, whom you may have confused me with due to our matching colour scheme.

CAPTAIN THUNDER: Red and yellow’s the go, as I as always say.

BLACK CANARY: I’ve never heard you say that before.

CAPTAIN THUNDER: It’s a recent development

BLACK CANARY: Sure Billy

FLASH: Hey look, the kid’s right, red and yellow is a pretty good look if I do say so myself

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Please, green is a way better colour for a costume than whatever you guys have got going on, isn’t that right John?

GREEN LANTERN (JOHN): Please don’t call our uniforms a costume Hal

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): The sooner you accept the truth John the better

GREEN ARROW: John would be better off not accepting any of your so-called “truths” Hal

GREEN ARROW: But in this rare exception, he would be correct in stating that Green is a better colour than Red

JEMM: Now hold on everyone, we must’ve resort to judgement based on our colours. All of us have strengths beyond what we simply wear. Such superficial judgements have brought low entire civilisations, mine included

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Yes, Jemm is right, you should cease this trivial nonsense before it gets out of hand.

MERA: Be silent you red-sympathising traitor! Green is clearly the superior choice of attire!

CAPTAIN THUNDER: Now way, Red’s better!

MERA: Arthur, please tell the Captain how wrong he is.

AQUAMAN: Sorry my dear, but my costume is only green from the briefs down. I can’t dedicate myself wholly to this cause!

MERA: Then you are of no use to me

AQUAMAN: Darling please…

GREEN ARROW: The lady’s made her choice Davy Jones, she’s with us Greens!

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Oh come on this is getting ridiculous. We’re not devolving into rival teams here!

FLASH: The only thing that’s ridiculous here J’onn is Hal’s choice of clothing.

FLASH: What was going through your mind when you decided to partner white riding gloves with your jolly-greens tights Hal?

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Says the man wearing a red gimp suit!

CAPTAIN THUNDER: Gee Hal, I dunno if you should be talking about fashion when your best friend is dressed as Robin Hood over there.

GREEN ARROW: Just as minors don’t have the right to drink, minors in magical pajamas should not have a right to critique a grown man’s clothes!

BLACK CANARY: Oh come on Ollie, he got you with that one you have to admit.

GREEN ARROW: Dinah don’t support them. They’re filthy reds.

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Can we stop with the insults already?

RED TORNADO: Perhaps if you were to separate us into select chatrooms, we will all have the opportunity to calm down.

JEMM: No! Segregation is not the answer!

FLASH: Segregation is absolutely the answer.

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: If it will get you all to settle down, then I’m fine with that.

**[MARTIAN MANHUNTER] created [RED CHATROOM] and [GREEN CHATROOM]**

**[MARTIAN MANHUNTER] has moved [JEMM] [FLASH] [RED TORNADO] and [CAPTAIN THUNDER] to [RED CHATROOM]**

**[MARTIAN MANHUNTER has moved [GREEN LANTERN (HAL)] [GREEN LANTERN (JOHN)] [MERA] and [GREEN ARROW] to [GREEN CHATROOM]**

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Now I know how Batman feels…

AQUAMAN: I can’t believe Mera would ditch me like that.

WONDER WOMAN: Tribalism has a strong influence on the proud Arthur.

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Good to see you kept a level head Diana.

WONDER WOMAN: I dared not attempt to stir aggression any further by interfering J’onn.

BLACK CANARY: A wise choice. Ollie, Hal and Barry all take a lot of pride in their appearance from my experience with them.

AQUAMAN: So what do we do now?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Wait, and hopefully this does not devolve further beyond the point of banter more than it has already.

WONDER WOMAN: And if it does devolve further?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: We hope that Superman and Batman return in due haste to settle things down.

 

***

SUPERMAN: STAKE OUT

SUPERMAN: STAKE OUT

SUPERMAN: STAKE OUT

BATMAN: Must you do that?

SUPERMAN: Sorry, it’s just been so long since we’ve done something like this together.

BATMAN: Indeed.

SUPERMAN: The World’s Finest, back at it again. Ah, it feels great.

SUPERMAN: When was the last time we did something like this together Bruce?

BATMAN: Amazo. We couldn’t risk the android absorbing your powers so you came with me to try and find Dr Ivo.

SUPERMAN: That’s right. How’d we beat Amazo again anyway?

BATMAN: Hal blew it up. It couldn’t scan his ring, but it could absorb its energy, so he overloaded using his battery.

SUPERMAN: Nice

SUPERMAN: Anything on your end so far?

BATMAN: My instruments aren’t picking up anything. What about you?

SUPERMAN: My superhearing isn’t noticing any out of the ordinary wireless signals.

BATMAN: Let’s not slack off now though. Luthor may just be biding his time.

SUPERMAN: Too right. Luthor is going to be extra cautious now that he knows that we know about his little Injustice operation.

SUPERMAN: Hey Bruce

BATMAN: Yeah?

SUPERMAN: Do you think J’onn can handle it by himself up here. What with all the new members and Hal and Barry?

BATMAN: J’onn’s the most capable member out of all of us. He’s probably got things the most organised there has ever been up there.

 

***

 

**[FLASH] renamed [RED CHATROOM] to [RED LEAGUE WAR ROOM]**

FLASH: Alright men, what’s the game plan? We need to think fast and strike faster if we want to end the Greens.

FLASH: Captain, let’s hear from you first.

CAPTAIN THUNDER: I say you and me rush in and short out the door to their rooms using our electric powers, locking them in. Use our speed to our advantage y’know?

FLASH: Good good, Tornado?

RED TORNADO: As the Captain says, we should utilise our speed to put the Greens at a disadvantage. Perhaps, we steal some of their valuable utilities, like Arrow’s quiver and the two Lantern’s batteries?

FLASH: Excellent idea. How about you Jemm?

JEMM: I say we extend an olive branch and give peace a chance

CAPTAIN THUNDER: No way, peace isn’t an option here

JEMM: Captain please, surely after how I helped you and J’onn, you would understand the importance of compassion.

CAPTAIN THUNDER: Yeah, but these are greens we’re talking about Jemm, they don’t know compassion.

FLASH: Yeah the Captain’s right Jemm, there’s no other option than to take action and show that Red is the colour of the superior superhero.

RED TORNADO: So what shall our plan of action be?

FLASH: I’ll do a quick scout ahead and suss out who’s where. Then, me and the Captain will short out their doors while you Tornado will go and steal all of their stuff.

FLASH: Jemm can act as sentry and warn us if anyone’s coming near with his weird head jewel thingy

JEMM: It’s called a birthstone.

FLASH: Whatever

JEMM: Whilst I would much rather abstain from any involvement in this endeavour, I shall reluctantly perform my duties and keep psychic watch, if it would help you that much.

FLASH: Excellent. Alright fellas, it’s go time!

 

***

 

**[GREEN LANTERN (HAL)] renamed [GREEN CHATROOM] to [GREEN LEAGUE ASSEMBLY]**

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Alright, no doubt that Barry’s probably already hatching a plan, so we need to work fast people. Shoot me some ideas, c’mon!

MERA: We should strike now, take them by surprise, spare them no mercy!

GREEN LANTERN (JOHN): No, we can’t just rush blindly into this, we need a strategy.

GREEN ARROW: John’s right, rushing in blindly is just asking for trouble.

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Say Ollie boy, do you have any sealant arrows on you at the moment?

GREEN ARROW: I do, why?

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): What say we use them to seal shut the doors to one of their quarters, then they’ll be stuck there!

GREEN ARROW: Y’know Hal, that’s actually isn’t half bad of an idea.

GREEN LANTERN (JOHN): But which one should we target first?

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): I say Jem. His psychic abilities obviously put him at an advantage, if we can lock him inside his room, there isn’t much he can do.

GREEN ARROW: Plus he’s a pacifist, so he won’t try and come after us if he manages to break free.

GREEN LANTERN (JOHN): It’ll force his friends to divert their attention away from us and onto getting him out too.

MERA: He is also the most dangerous. Let us not forget he used his mind on the Captain before with the Martian, most likely swaying him subconsciously over to their side.

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Crap Mera you’re right, he’s brainwashed the kid! And he probably stopped J’onn from joining our side too!

GREEN ARROW: So that settles it, we’re sealing Jemm in his room.

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Absolutely. We’ll all group up at your room Ollie and then we can get this thing started

GREEN LANTERN (JOHN): Not so fast Hal, we have a problem. The door to my room is stuck

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Fuck I just tried to open mine and its stuck too.

GREEN LANTERN (JOHN): My ring’s telling me the door’s electronics have been short-circuited by an intense electrical wave

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): BARRY

MERA: THE FIENDS HAVE STRUCK FIRST

GREEN ARROW: Oh shit, I think the Flash just took my quiver.

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): WHAT

GREEN ARROW: I just saw a red flash and now my arrows are gone.

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Fuck, looks like we’re going on the offensive team. John, you and me are gonna have to bust our way out of here.

MERA: What about the plan? The Saturnian?

GREEN LANTERN (HAL): Don’t worry Mera, we’ll still trap him. Only thing is now that Flash has Ollie’s arrows, we’ll just have to use a more direct method…

 

***

 

BATMAN: Jason’s been acting up lately, I’ve been thinking about taking him to the waterpark to ease the tension, do you think that’ll work?

SUPERMAN: For sure, I don’t know any kid that wouldn’t enjoy being at the waterpark for a day.

BATMAN: I just want to do what’s best for him Clark. He’s had a hard life, and I owe it to him to give him the best chance. Not grow up into some delinquent

SUPERMAN: Well you sure did good with Grayson. I mean look at him, he’s leading the Titans now and everything. By any indication, Jason will be fine considering your track record.

BATMAN: I know, but Dick was raised well long before I took him in. Jason didn’t have the same kind treatment Dick had. He doesn’t have a father after all.

SUPERMAN: That’s not true Bruce, he has you. I couldn’t think of someone who’d be a better father to him than you.

BATMAN: Thanks Clark

BATMAN: I don’t suppose you’d like to come to the waterpark with us do you?

BATMAN: Clark?

SUPERMAN: Bruce

SUPERMAN: Bruce I’d love to go to the waterpark with you and Jason.

BATMAN: Really?

SUPERMAN: Really really. I love spending time with you, you’re my friend.

SUPERMAN: I mean this stakeout business turned out to be a bust anyway, so I don’t see the harm in going out and having some fun anyway.

BATMAN: I’m glad you feel that way

SUPERMAN: Anyway what time is it?

BATMAN: It’s nearly six in the morning.

SUPERMAN: When does the park open?

BATMAN: Ten

SUPERMAN: Great, I’ll fly down to the Fortress and set up one of the robots to do patrol duty and then call Perry and say I’m sick. By the time I’m ready and fly in to Gotham, you and Jason should be ready.

BATMAN: And it’ll be like a 45-minute drive to get to the park anyway so it should be open

SUPERMAN: Exactly, then we’ll have the whole day to ourselves

BATMAN: Sounds good to me

SUPERMAN: I’m so excited for this

SUPERMAN: WATERPARK BABY WOOOOOO

 

***

 

AQUAMAN: So anyway, that’s my opinion on sea cucumbers.

BLACK CANARY: That was certainly… interesting

WONDER WOMAN: How’s everything on your end J’onn?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Not good

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: The Lanterns have welded the doors to Jemm’s quarters shut and the Flash is throwing around all of Oliver’s trick arrows at hypersonic speeds. The damage is ludicrous

WONDER WOMAN: And all of this over the colour of their costumes.

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: I know, it’s preposterous.

BLACK CANARY: And this is why I wear black.

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Perhaps a League-wide uniform change should be considered after this episode Dinah

AQUAMAN: Woah what was that?

WONDER WOMAN: Sounded like an explosion

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: OH FOR H'RONMEER’S SAKE THEY’VE BLOWN UP THE TELEPORTER

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: THAT’S IT I’M GOING IN AND ENDING THIS NOW

**[MARTIAN MANHUNTER] has left [JUSTICE LEAGUE EMERGENCY COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

BLACK CANARY: That doesn’t sound good…

AQUAMAN: SAY WHO WANTS TO GO DO SOME EXERCISES IN THE TRAINING ROOM?

AQUAMAN: YOU KNOW, THE TRAINING ROOM ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WATCHTOWER? AS FAR AWAY FROM THE WRATH OF AN ANGRY MARTIAN AS ONE CAN POSSIBLY BE?

WONDER WOMAN: WHY ARTHUR, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A SWELL IDEA, WHAT SAY YOU DINAH, WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN US?

BLACK CANARY: SURE THING DIANA, I SAY WE NOT WASTE TIME AND GO RIGHT NOW

WONDER WOMAN: OKAY

 

***

 

**[SUPERMAN] has joined [JUSTICE LEAGUE DIRECT COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

**[BATMAN] has joined [JUSTICE LEAGUE DIRECT COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

SUPERMAN: Hey everyone we’re back!

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: It’s good to have you two back finally

BATMAN: How were things without us?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Great

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Just great. No problems here

BATMAN: Really?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Yep, absolutely fine

BATMAN: Strange, because my mod status is showing me that nearly three-quarters of the league has been banned from the communications channel

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Oh that?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Aquaman was just showing off some of his hydrokinesis and accidentally wet some of the communicators. We’ve got them under repair, that’s all

BATMAN: I thought I waterproofed those communicators

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: It was magically infused water, it stood no chance

BATMAN: I see

BATMAN: And the teleporters?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Pardon?

BATMAN: Neither me nor Superman could access the teleporters, is everything alright on that end?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Oh just some routine maintenance. I have Hal and Barry working on it as we speak. It’ll be fixed in no time.

SUPERMAN: Doesn’t bother me, I can still fly up there.

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: NO NO that’s okay. You both must be tired after that LexCorp stakeout, you should rest. I’ve got things under control.

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: BUT DON’T TURN OFF YOUR COMMUNICATORS

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: We all missed your respective insights in the time you were away, so I believe it would be good for morale if you’d keep in contact until the teleporters get fixed

SUPERMAN: If you say so J’onn.

BATMAN: Is everything really okay up there J’onn?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Oh yes, what makes you ask?

BATMAN: Nothing… just checking…

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Very well

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: And Bruce?

BATMAN: Yes?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Never leave me here alone again.

BATMAN: What? Why?

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: JUST

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: DON’T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lo and behold, it's an early Christmas miracle! I actually updated the fic in god knows how many weeks. In a story featuring gang wars, waterpark adventures and one very tired™ martian. I hope you enjoyed it and feel free to comment on what you liked about it.


End file.
